7.29.2004 • 12:12 AM

Rule of 3.1415926

1 -  If asked to rate a wine between 1-10, and you really don't care about rating, just tasting, the correct answer is always Pi.  You can't go wrong with Pi.  Or Pie.

2 - There is nothing better in this world than free pie.

3 -  There is nothing worse in this world than biting into Chocolate Almond Pie and finding green mold growing on it. 

3.1415926 - At first, the tang flavor might seem to be an after effect of either pregnancy or wine (but not both), but soon you realize almonds should not be green.  The taste lingers.

But if you should find yourself in the mood for some Tang Pie, you can whip up this tasty treat.  It's not as good as my cherry pie, but it's still good.  Stop thinking dirty thoughts.

 

1/2 c. Tang

8 oz. cream cheese

1 can Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk

1 9" pie crust

Mix Tang, cream cheese and milk together; pour into pie crust. Chill for 2 hours before serving. Top with Cool Whip, if desired.

 

7.28.2004 • 4:28 PM

Looking for economically-priced human brain models?
 
For those readers who didn't know, I used to work for an online bookstore called Fatbrain.com.  My glorious reign there ended with the dot-com bust and the absorption of Fatbrain into the Evil Barnes & Noble.  I like to think of the site living on, and today, I found out it does, although in a slightly less book-oriented way.
 
http://www.brain-mart.com/

7.27.2004 • 12:45 AM

What Time is It?

July 2nd, 1984 -- Morris Day & the Time release Jungle Love.  And he's still doing the same damn act 20 years later.  Well, yes, I know, sometimes he does The Bird.  He was just on Leno doing the same dance, the same hairdo, same everything as when he started with Mr. Purple Rain.  His big movie appearance in 2001 was in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, doing the same thing.  Yes, I know I'm repeating myself.  I'm trying to drive this point home. 

I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that he's spent 20 years doing this, or that after all those years I still sorta like the song.  Owee-owee-oh.

Hey WB Network, why don't you have him in the next season of The Surreal Life?!

7.22.2004 • 10:50 AM

Miss Miss Miss

I've been called Miss Linda twice in the past week.  I used to think it was charming when my friend Chris referred to me as Miss Linda, but unfortunately now it's because I'm old.

I heard a funny story about a local retirement home.  My friend's grandmother & her roommate called a lady on their floor "Miss Miss Miss".   The lady spends a lot of time calling out to the nurses--"Miisssss  Misssssssss  Miss"!  I hope when I'm that age I'm still making up nicknames for people.

• 12:40 AM

Spork in the Road

Yup, I actually saw one yesterday.  I should have picked it up, it was still in the wrapper.  You never know when that might come in handy to either to eat some food from 7-11 or use it as a weapon.  I could keep in it my purse with my wet naps.

7.14.2004 • 10:45 PM

The Redneck Factor

So for years I've secretly been a country music fan. I've shouted from the rooftops that I love Barry Manilow, but it's on the down low that I like my country tunes. The local country station, WPOC is a hot button on my car. I have taken off WHFS 99.1, which I used to think was cool back in the day.

Since I've also been very quick to point out any mullet I see within a 10 rifkin* radius, I thought of myself as a walking contradiction.

This was before my extensive research with In Touch Weekly magazine. I've read their coverage of one Britney Spears and analyzed their paparazzi photos. That girl is the most redneck woman I've ever seen. And she dated JUSTIN. So that must make it OK to be a redneck.

Jimmy Buffett is also now making it big on the country charts. And Uncle Cracker... didn't Kid Rock give birth to him? What genre is Kid Rock? He's going duets with Sheryl Crow and he's a redneck (but strangely sexy. I know, don't ask.) Sheryl wears the country hat & is dating Lance Armstrong. My roommate just imformed me of this because when she said Lance, I thought Bass. I was about to take down my bathroom shrine of him & that would have really been the last straw. So I think Sheryl borrowed the hat from Madonna. Maybe Madonna started this whole crossover this with "the kiss". Now she's being all sneaky going back to her religion thing which makes us think she's NOT a redneck, or at least some English-childrens-book-writing-I-found-god-redneck. That's a higher level of redneck.

It's the Berlin Wall of Music I'm talking about here, people. I need David Hasselhoff in a light-up leather jacket to help me unite everyone here with some musical tunes. Yes, that really happened. Watch I Love the 80s if you don't believe me. Or read his bio. Note he's from Baltimore. I think I already blogged about my Thanksgiving dinner with his Aunt.

So anyway, I'm just making it public knowledge that I dig country. Not ALL country, especially not the "we should kill all those Irackis and we never lost the Civil war" - type songs. But I like any tune that I can sing like I have my own personal karaoke bar in my Beetle. Just for me and all the cars that can hear me with my sunroof & windows open.

* The Rifkin story & a whole new way of measurement is coming soon! Just finalizing the new rulers.

7.10.2004 • 12:55 PM

If They Mated

If Wayne & Garth mated, they would produce John Fugelsang's new look. There he is on VH-1s Awesomely Badder Hair, sporting baseball hat, long glasses and Garth glasses. And he's critiquing people's hair? I wish I could find a photo. Google, you have failed me.

7.02.2004 • 11:33 PM

We Interrupt this Broadcast...

Brian Williams interrupted my special early edition of Oprah today to report: "The AP service has just confirmed the death of..."

DRUM ROLL PLEASE [terrorist thoughts race through my mind]

Marlon Brando.

You've got to be kidding me.

Stella! Stella! The last mention I heard of the poor guy was on Good Day Live. Just this week they reported he was running out of money. Is it mean to say the guy had good timing? Well, besides interrupting Oprah.

Speaking of washed up celebs, I keep seeing ads for the International Gem Show to be held at our famous Timonium Fairgrounds this holiday weekend. (It was Canada Day yesterday so all us Americans should get a 4day). They get "candid" comments from visitors, and then Loretta Swit pops in, saying "once you go, you'll never want to get your gems anywhere else". SCARY.

• 12:38 PM

Welcome Back, Kotter

In your ear with a can of beer! Has it really been 3 weeks since I last posted? WOW!

Last weekend was the Kumoniwanalaya Party hosted by Becky & me. Check out the party pics here: http://share-adobe.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EeAt2Thw3YtnWw. Stay tuned for Tiki's Revenge, our follow up shin-dig.

I love a good theme party. Years ago I went to a great 70s party in Fells Point. We all went to thrift shops to get outfits. By the end of the night, I had a 1/2 of a genuine Vinny Barbarino bedsheet and a wig that matched my hair perfectly. Good score. We also all crashed in The Big Iguana, a local clothing store (we knew the owners). I slept on a pile of sweaters handwoven in Mexico.