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UPCOMING SHOW TOPICS
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Let's
face it:
TV talkshow topics are getting WAY out of control.
I
can't believe that the people on these shows actually exist. I
truly hope they are all created by the sleazy producers in an
effort to get ratings. The only PLUS side to this madness is the
creativity behind the names of the shows. It's like poetry, the
rhyming and random references that they use. In honor of this,
I had several of my talented writer friends make a list of 'virtual
show topics I could use... if I really was going to do ratings
battle against the Rickis and Jerrys and Jennys of the world.
Editor's
Note: The photos on the right really are people from various
talk shows. Oh so sad. What is happening to our world?
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Today's Virtual Show:
My hair is fried, I have no teeth,
But I know I'm still hotter than Yasmine Bleeth.
Meet Tanya, from Iowa. She thinks she's hot stuff because she was
crowned Miss Corn Queen 1985. She's got the big hair, the trashy
clothes, the fake nails. She's been married twice to the same guy,
but cheating on him with all his co-workers. Her ex-husband is here
with a big surprise for her. (Hint: Naked hot tub photos posted
on the internet!) |
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Past Shows:
Buy me the most condoms the law will allow
Can't you see Mom, I'm a workin' girl now!
Where the condoms at?
The "You Can Catch the AIDS" Retrospective.
Ricki, please, help me quick!
My cracked out kid's suckin' the glass dick!
My man thinks he's living large,
But boyfriend dresses like El Debarge.
(The first question we asked today's guests was "'Who's Johnny?'
she said?")
I page you every minute --
I wanna know CAN I HIT IT?!
(Who let da dowgs out?! Hoo hoo hoo!)
You think people want to see that - no, you're wrong!
Stop posting pics on stankbooty.com!
The relationship's over, get out of my house!
I caught my man with a dick in his mouth!
I just got my period and I'm as hot as can be!
That Lolita slut don't got nothin' on me!
Buy me the most condoms the law will allow!
Can't you see Mom, I'm a workin' girl now!
At first I thought it was just infatuation --
But I wanna get married while he's still on probation!
I'm sick of seeing men come and go!
How come my friend Mookie always gets to be the ho?
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
Jack is my cross-country running, transvestite trick.
If you're happy and you know it, check out my gams.
Your house is hot, your car is jammin',
but you're homeboys are who I'd rather be slammin'.
Mom said not to put permanent marks on my body,
so I just get tattooed in the can by the local hottie.
Dad said no, Mom said yes, so I got piercings on more than my chest.
Hey, hey, ho, ho, my skinhead lover has got to go.
I haven't hit puberty, I'm only ten, but I've slept with at least
1,000 older men.
His lame excuses are worse than his smelly feet,
Rikki help me dump my redneck deadbeat.
I can't stop eating, I'm stuck in a funk,
I've got a landfill's worth of junk in the trunk.
You ain't got game, you never pulled a trigger,
So get a job, you fake ass wigger!
He showed me his love if you know what I mean,
I want a DNA test to prove he's the father of baby sixteen.
Yeah, my boobs are big and fake -
But they got my ass on "Ricki Lake".
I'm tired of my daughter getting all the stares -
Make me over with fake boobs, fake nails, and fake hair!
East Side, West Side, where do you belong?
If you think you ghetto, your white ass is WRONG!
Your triflin' extensions sure are feeble
Look at me, I'm unbe-WEAVE-able!
You got too many babies and not enough food
I'll hold her down - Ricki, you tie her tubes!
Why you think I was lying so still?
You straight up slipped me the date rape pill!
My man's body is a deadly weapon,
But since he's shooting blanks, he best get to steppin'!
Help me Jenny - I don't know what to do.
My girl's more bougie than Star Jones from "The View!" |
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